🍷🔥 The Heat Is On: AI Says These NYC Restaurants Are Full of Hotties, and We Have Questions

Happy post–Fourth of July, friends. If you're reading this through sunglass-smudged screens and a faint haze of grill smoke, you're not alone. In honor of the holiday and our collective national hangover, we’re keeping this week’s issue short, snackable, and slightly absurd — because sometimes the restaurant news isn’t about AI kitchens or labor optimization... it’s about hot people and pasta.

So, grab a Gatorade, queue up your brunch recovery order, and let’s talk about the weirdest thing we’ve seen in food-tech media this week.

There are a lot of ways to judge a restaurant: the food, the lighting, the playlists, the perfect golden crisp of a duck-fat potato. But hotness of clientele? That’s a new one — and apparently, a machine just made it a metric.

This week, a controversial AI-powered site called Hot-Certified.com went viral after publishing a “data-driven” list of the NYC restaurants with, you guessed it, the most attractive patrons. And just like that, the city’s dining scene wasn’t just about what’s on the menu - it was about who’s sitting at the next table.

The AI claims it processed thousands of public social media photos (hello, ethically murky territory 👀), ran them through a beauty-ranking algorithm, and matched those geo-tagged selfies to restaurant locations. The result? A ranked list of NYC hotspots where “hot people” allegedly dine — and a spicy little controversy to go with it.

The Top Five (According to the Robots):

1. Carbone – Because obviously.

2. Casa Cipriani – Glamorous members-only waterfront vibes.

3. Bad Roman – For those who want their truffle pasta with a side of cheekbones.

4. Lola Taverna – Where bronzed summer skin meets Greek mezze.

5. Saint Theo’s – Amalfi Coast energy, Greenwich Village address.

Also on the AI’s "Hot List": Sartiano’s, Caviar Kaspia, American Bar, and somewhere called The Nines, which, let's be honest, sounds like it was genetically engineered for this ranking.

Snubbed? You Bet.

The AI didn’t give much love to beloved institutions like Lucien or Indochine — places long considered a runway for the fashion and film set. The snubs sparked outrage in corners of TikTok and Instagram, with influencers cheekily demanding a recount. (The robots may be learning, but apparently they still don’t understand cultural capital.)

Then Time Out Stepped In

Because what’s a little algorithmic chaos without a heatmap? Time Out New York took the data and ran with it — literally — dropping an interactive map of NYC's “hottest” dining destinations. You can now click through neighborhoods and see where the beautiful people are allegedly sipping Negronis. Williamsburg’s Lilia got a nod. So did Dimes Square. Tribeca, of course, overachieved. Midtown? Let’s just say the robots weren’t impressed.

🍸 So, What Do We Make of This?

Is it ridiculous? Yes. Problematic? Also yes. But it’s also a fascinating glimpse into what happens when AI meets vanity meets hospitality.

Restaurants have always been a form of theater. A good night out is food, service, vibe — and the spectacle of who's around you. This ranking just made that unspoken part of the experience absurdly literal. It’s like if your OpenTable score came with a cheekbone index.

And for operators? It’s a reminder that in 2025, your ambiance isn’t just being judged by critics or guests — it’s being scanned, scraped, and ranked by neural networks. Hospitality has always meant making people feel good. But now, apparently, it might also mean looking good for the camera (and the algorithm).

📍TL;DR for Restaurant Folks:

• Yes, your guests are being analyzed. AI is already parsing geo-tagged posts and turning them into "insights." Whether it’s helpful or invasive depends on your point of view (and privacy policy).

• Vibe is still everything. These rankings are superficial — but they're rooted in aesthetics, which drive bookings, buzz, and brand perception.

• Operators, take note. If you're running a room that regularly fills with stylish, high-visibility guests, this is your nudge to lean in: better lighting, photogenic plating, maybe even a TikTok strategy that doesn’t make your GM roll their eyes.

• Also, don’t take it too seriously. This list wasn’t made to guide food lovers — it was made to stir up debate, clicks, and perhaps a dinner reservation or two at Carbone. Mission accomplished.

In the meantime, let’s all remember, hospitality is about how people feel. The best restaurants know this - and they don’t need an AI to tell them they’ve got style. They’ve got substance, too.

See you at the bar (ideally glowing in golden hour light).

Cheers,
Your slightly self-deprecating, definitely human narrators,
Anicia & Shane